30 brilliant one-liner quotes that’ll make you smile (2024)

I shared some brilliant one-liner quotes recently and the feedback from readers was very positive.

In fact, the feedback was so positive that I thought I’d share some more with you.

So here’s another batch from the collection in my journal.

Brilliant one-liner quotes (1-10):

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
Her silence doesn’t mean your sexual performance left her speechless.
Money’s not important but it’s up there with oxygen for sustaining life.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give someone is a good, firm push.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
To err is human; to blame it on somebody else shows you have a talent for politics.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.

Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are even stupider than that.
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

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